The Way You Hold Your Glass Shows Your Class

February 21, 2014 By:
The Way You Hold Your Glass Shows Your Class

Science reveals - through several very controlled experiments- the way you hold your drink says a lot about you. It’s science...and IT MATTERS, K?

In all seriousness, the way you hold your wine glass reveals plenty about personality, game, and the staggering amount you’ve had to drink.

1. The Harpy Claw

Yeah – you’re more of a beer drinker or bottom shelf cocktailer. In fact, this might be the first time you’ve ever held a wine glass in your hands. 

 

2. The Shaka

You’re a busy person, you lose count fast, and you suffer monster hangovers. We’re just glad you trade-in the tiki for the wine every once in awhile.

 

3. The Circus Palmer

Hey, guy, this does not count as bartender "flare."

 

4. The Infant Grabber

You are just a bundle of nerves, deary. Either that or you are holding a glass of 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild. 

 

5. The White Knuckle

You are a spirits creature. Brown and strong to be exact. Relax, wine takes effect beginning in the extremities. It will come.

 

6. The Pinky Tickler

Hold your glass like this if you are male and you’d rather not get hit on tonight.

 

7. The Hey Everyone Come See How Good I Look

“Just me hangin’ at the wine bar tonight! Notice anything different!?”

 

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8. The Shadow Puppet

You write poetry. Not for a living, but that’s still all you do.

 

9. The County Fair Claw

You are totally tailgating, and that could be purple scotch and soda, a Chateau Margaux, or grape juice for all you know. Who’s winning?

 

10. The Loosey Goosey

Yeah, you know the grape, the region, and the style of the wine in that glass. Temperature, smemperature – it’s a party and you’re ready to cheers at all times.

 

11. The Cough

You broke your wrist snowboarding when you were 17 and have lost all ability to support your digits. Or your spending habits.

 

12. The Who Are You

You are not from this Earth.

 

13. The Dirty Laundry

You’re either drinking an older Burgundy or you’re an euglophobe (a very common, very severe phobia of wine glass stems).

 

*14. The Normal Human Being

Congrats, you’re normal! Also known as ordinary, average, typical…

 

15. The Drunk Bird

You’re wine-drunk again. But we like you, because you realize there’s no need to put down the glass in order to give a proper bird.

 

*Yes, this is the proper way to hold a wine glass. Holding at the stem prevents the warmth of your hands from increasing the temperature of the wine in the glass – be it red or white. Besides, you want to be able to see the color and texture (bubbles, legs… cork pieces?) of the wine in your glass.